The year 2020 was a transformative one in good and bad ways. Being stuck in the house for extended periods of time while the world descends into dizzying chaos really forces one to think introspectively. For me it was both a painful and empowering process that took a decade to finally make sense: I was simply existing and other people were the main characters of the show that is my life. Allow me to explain.
My mental health rapidly declined. Post-graduation depression fully set in like an old, wet, heavy fur coat of shame as my original plans for an overseas job fell through (even though divine intervention led me to an even better career) and I was stuck in my childhood home not living the life I promised myself. Granted, this is a lot of pressure to put on myself as a 22 year old who unfortunately graduated during a global pandemic. Logically I knew my situation was far from unique but I was not reassured by the thought, nor did social media help. In December I decided to go on a three month social media break until my 23rd birthday. I could no longer distinguish where my thoughts and opinions began and where the masses ended. I didn’t know who I was anymore nor my place in my own world.
Let me tell you, that disciplined social media break was one another act of divine intervention. Although I deactivated my Facebook (now deleted), Instagram, and Twitter (now deleted), I allowed myself to keep YouTube as a source of inspiration and education. Plus I did not have a true presence on the platform– just a casual viewer. It was around January 2021 when videos about romanticizing your life and becoming the main character began popping up on my timeline. First a video from Darling Desi, then two more from The Feminine Fancy (and this one). Soon I fell down a rabbit hole as I finally found the answers to my crippling stagnation.
The very idea of becoming your life’s main character or romanticizing it is much more empowering than it is given credit for. It is more than treat yo self days. The concept(s) contributes to the development of an internal locus of control which according to the APA, those who have an internal locus of control, “… perceive their life outcomes as arising from the exercise of their own agency and abilities”. In other words the power over one’s life is placed back into their hands.
Deciding to become the main character of my life was very intentional. It had to be given consideration of my track record. Fellow astrology enthusiasts will understand when I say I was a victim to the very Piscean trait of martyrdom. My counselor helped me realize that ever since I was a child I would always try to manage other people’s emotions as a trauma response in hopes of validation. Much like a martyr I would sacrifice myself for what I thought was the greater good but unlike a martyr I was not venerated. We could chalk it up to a good day if my sacrifice was only acknowledged in passing. In short I was not living but existing in other people’s storylines. So I recommend this method of making over your life if any of the following strikes a chord within you:
- You’re tired of simply existing only for stolen moments of self centered joy
- You’re tired of living on autopilot
- You’re tired of being a martyr for no reward or recognition
- You’re tired of your day dreams not being your reality
- You’re tired of feeling stagnant
- You’re tired of asking “when is it my turn?”
- You’re just so sick and tired of the mental cage
Getting started is the hardest part. Especially because any instructionals on living as the main character, romanticizing your life, or more recently becoming THAT girl (or guy or person for any men and nonbinary people that come across this post, please feel free to take whatever is applicable) differ from person to person and imply many nuances because there is no one size fits all as everyone’s life is different. That being said, here’s how I got started.
- Self honesty and accountability
- Knowing what YOU want and being specific
- Get intentional and get moving
- Write it out
- Cut the noise
- Be teachable
- Lean into discomfort
- Let go of limiting beliefs
- Appreciate the small things on the journey
- Honor your inner child
- Transmute comparison into inspiration
- Let go of excuses
- Strive for your personal best, not perfection
- Develop a routine
- Just do it
Before I close out this piece let it be clear that I am not posturing myself as an expert. I too am on this life long journey and this is only the beginning. That being said, you do not need to do everything on this list nor do you have to do it exactly as I would. Life is in a constant state of flux and change is inevitable. Along the way you will discover what does and does not serve you; and much like the weather life enters and exits seasons which usher in changes. Do not feel the need to cling onto ideas that do not fit your season of life, instead embrace the change to keep things exciting. Let’s start living.
She Was Here 
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