She Was Here

Originally posted August of 2020. Brought it back because the sentiment is still relevant.

Let’s start this post off with stating the obvious: the world as we know it is in shambles. At least the U.S. is in shambles. In the eight months of 2020, we have been confined indoors under quarantine and adopted to face masks as part of our new normal thanks to Ms. Rona. We have tragically lost an icon and his beautiful daughter in as well as thousands of others (again, thanks to Ms. Rona). Tensions due to racial injustices–via police brutality– enduring centuries reaching an all new high. Politics (need I say more?). And apparently confirmation that aliens are real but we seemed to COMPLETELY skip over that development and allow to fly under the radar. Now that we’ve addressed the infected elephants in the room let’s get on with it.

2020 is truly turning out to be the year of perfect vision. Funnily enough I truly wish my vision was just even a smidge foggy on some things but I’ve come to realize quite literally anything is possible (please refer back to the aliens), even your craziest of ideas and or desires. That being said, amidst all the chaos, I took a leap of faith and decided to take a job in South Korea.

I’ve always been an explorer of sorts or at least an aspiring one. In elementary school my favorite books besides Junie B. Jones were those about different countries. In middle school I’d zone out in class circling destinations on the world map in the back of my planner, daydreaming about the day I’d finally get to go there and do as much research as possible when I got home. Hell! I even won 2nd place (I choked on the last question of course) in the school geography bee. In high school in addition to being a theater kid I was vice president of the culture society, in Honors world history, and a year ahead in foreign language. The burning questions I had for all of the colleges I applied to revolved around their study abroad programs and that enthusiasm continued throughout my college career. My favorite YouTubers are either frequent travelers, expatriates, or about cultures all over the world. Spending the majority of 2020 in my childhood home–depressed and stressed about the circumstances in which I was graduating– allowed me more than enough time to reflect on these things and really think about my life’s direction and what truly brings me happiness.

I found clarity. And in that clarity I realized I was not only unhappy in my childhood home but I am exhausted by America as a whole. When you’re a Black woman–specifically ADOS– born into a society such as this, you are born TIREDT. Of course I know racism, anti blackness, and xenophobia are global and virtually inescapable nor am I blind to the responsibility of student loans. There is no universal utopia but there are personal utopias and I want to find mine, or at least have fun while doing it. Granted, teaching is not really the glamorous or high excitement career I imagined for myself but like I said, anything is possible.

My reasons extend beyond personal escape as I want to show women, girls, and even boys and men like me that this is a small yet BIG world– there is more. I am aware of my privileges as I am of my margins. I grew up middle class (at least by midwest standards), college educated, child-free, able-bodied, although unambiguously Black and dark skin I do fit within other universal standards of beauty. Nonetheless I want to be a beacon of hope if not a resource and that is what I hope to do with my blog.