She Was Here

Pole dancing has become one of the most popular modes of exercise for women and for good reason. The first reason is obvious: it’s an incredibly fun way to burn off calories out without feeling like you’re working out in the traditional sense. The second reason is appreciation for the the sport and art form it is. Don’t believe me? Watch PSO (pole sport organization) competition videos on YouTube and report back how long you spent in that rabbit hole. And the last reason is why women become hooked: the reconnection with self. In this post I will be focusing on the third reason.

We were too hard on Anastasia Steel for her references to her “inner goddess”. I arrived at this conclusion after my instructor saw me struggling with spins and said, “…trust your body”. I’ve long since owned up to my control issues but something about this innocuous statement made everything click. I did not realize how out of touch with my body and sensuality I’d become. After two months of pole, though, I’m still reflecting on if I ever knew how to trust my body. In its simplest form, connecting with your “inner goddess” is trusting your body.

There is something powerful— divine— about trusting your body and letting go of that controlling vice grip. When I finally stopped thinking so damn hard and being a perfectionist and instead made a conscious effort to feel, skills came so much easier. It was like a pleasant out of body experience to feel like the woman I wish I could fully embody. I’m working on it though.

One of the other things I’m working on is getting comfortable with my sensuality. It’s still hard to watch myself in the mirror because I still feel like a child trying to imitate a grown woman. About 3 years ago I realized how much of the feminine mystique and sensual power I was not taught by the women around me. Not because they wished to sabotage me but they weren’t taught either. Cultural factors aside, I think this speaks to the shame surrounding our sexuality and sensuality as women. Not just the shaming as projected by society but the shame silently ingrained in us.

I would like to document my pole journey and my thoughts that come with it. A ‘sensuality series’ could be interesting.